Evil Dead Rise: Mom Seems A Bit Off (2023)

 

If you're looking to do a big poop in your pants, boy have I got the film for you. Evil Dead Rise is great, maybe the best modern horror movie I've ever seen? That may be a bit dramatic, I dunno, but I loved it.

It's absolutely hardcore right out the gate and I was sat like cheese and crackers am I spooped right now. It's not a jumpscare fest, it's just really messed up man, the way good horror should be.

The other Evil Dead stuff isn't essential viewing, but it'd probably help a bit. I saw the original and the sequel before seeing this, and have also heard bits and pieces about it from other places.

It's hard to talk about any of this without spoiling stuff, but I'm going to say that the actress playing the mom (dual role as nice mom and rude mom) deserves the biggest props of the movie. She's so good.

I feel very hopeful about future Evil Dead stuff, I think it's a fascinating lore with tons of potential. This movie uses horror to explore the fear of becoming a mother and failing to protect those you love. It's really well done, and I had a great time.

9/10, horror done at its absolute best.

EVIL SPOILERS AHEAD! SO EVIL! AND DEAD!

Okay so this is just a mean movie, it's so mean man. It kills kids! You never kill kids! Even Michael Myers refused to kill a baby. This movie doesn't care at all, it's like I'll kill a teenager, watch me! And I did, I did watch it.

And I don't say it's a mean movie as a criticism, I love that it just does not care at all. I was like ah man kids? They won't kill them! And they did, big time. Except the wittle girl, good for her.

God that monstrosity at the end. Nightmare shit. I have nothing more to say than that.

Oh I tell you who I did want to die, that teenage lad, what an idiot. These movies would be so boring if I was in them. After that actual earthquake I'd see that big hole and go "ah man, I'll have to call the council, get someone to sort that" and then I'd go eat pizza with my family and spin sick DJ records.

If I was handed the necronomicon I would simply not read it. I haven't read for pleasure in like a decade. I always intend to, hell I've even bought fiction books that sit on my shelf unread. I always say oh I'll read them when I go on holiday, but then it's like well I could watch all these series that I've been putting off on the plane, and then I think oh I'll read when I'm laid around the pool, but then I like a swim and you don't want to read in case the pages get all soggy. Plus I kinda want to tan you know? I don't want a sunglasses mark on my face from wearing them while reading in the sun. Basically, if I had the Necronomicon I'd just end up feeling guilty that I'd never looked at it, never mind turned my mum into the devil with it.

Oh apparently Ash Williams is in this for half a second. Cool, I dunno, I don't have that same nostalgia for these films so I don't care. He's just a voice stuck in the past telling the priest not to read from the satan book. He clearly didn't yell loud enough. Bad job Ash.

Good grief some of the gore in this sticks with you. The bit with the cheese grater on the leg? No thank you. The bit where she EATS A WINE GLASS? No thank you. Very cool though, very creepy.

The whole metaphor for becoming a mum is hardcore, I felt that in my non existent womb. If you're pregnant don't watch this movie it'll fuel your nightmares for ages. Happy message though, you can be a great mum, just get a chainsaw.

Oh by the way the whole cold open then 3 days later thing was so cool, coming full circle like that. Sick as. I loved it.

Alright that's enough, this film is awesome, I had fun, I was spooked sufficiently. The Evil Dead franchise is rising (again).