Dan Sees Everything

  Avatar is just not meant for me. It's not James Cameron's fault, it's no one's fault, I just am not the target audience for these movies. Why? You might ask. Well, simply put, I fucking hate Pandora, and the Navi, and everything about this fictional world. I hate the Navi's weird soulless eyes, their weirdly long torsos, their weird little thongs that hide their weird Navi dick and balls, I hate their big gross blue feet. I hate how weirdly thin they are and I hate how they use their weird hair dicks to plug into animals and trees and shit. I hate Pandora, I think it looks well boring. To start this film Jake Sully is like look I have a sick life, I have cool weird hybrid kids and we all hunt here and I have a strange date night with me wife where we ride dragons or something. I just think I'd be so tired all the time, why can't you just sit and watch the telly in Pandora? Ok any further and it's spoilers so I'm gonna say Avatar 2: The Wettest Boys...

Okay so maybe the title of this review sounds harsh. I didn't hate this, but I definitely didn't love it. First things first, way too long! Goodness gracious me I felt like I was in the cinema for 1000 years. TRIM THE FAT DISNEY! Like so much of this could've been tightened up, my time is precious don't waste it with boring subplots that lead nowhere please (I'm a white man with a blog, I am clearly very busy and important). That being said, I don't want to be a big ol' negative nelly, so I will say they handled Chadwick Boseman's death exceptionally well. I thought it was respectful and you really felt the impact of his passing on the whole world within the MCU, whilst not feeling at all like they weren't giving enough weight to the real life tragedy that was his death. Way too young, such a great talent. I'm gonna go spoiler mode now so I'll just quickly say this movie is MID and a rock solid 5/10. SPOILERSSS BLACK PANTHA SPOILERSSS THIS VI...