Black Panther: It Goes on Forever (2022)

Okay so maybe the title of this review sounds harsh. I didn't hate this, but I definitely didn't love it. First things first, way too long! Goodness gracious me I felt like I was in the cinema for 1000 years. TRIM THE FAT DISNEY! Like so much of this could've been tightened up, my time is precious don't waste it with boring subplots that lead nowhere please (I'm a white man with a blog, I am clearly very busy and important).

That being said, I don't want to be a big ol' negative nelly, so I will say they handled Chadwick Boseman's death exceptionally well. I thought it was respectful and you really felt the impact of his passing on the whole world within the MCU, whilst not feeling at all like they weren't giving enough weight to the real life tragedy that was his death. Way too young, such a great talent.

I'm gonna go spoiler mode now so I'll just quickly say this movie is MID and a rock solid 5/10.

SPOILERSSS BLACK PANTHA SPOILERSSS

THIS VILLAIN IS SO SILLY! He's the silliest man in the world!

Oh those winged shoes, WHAT'RE THOOOOOSE?! (I'm hip, I'm down with the kids). But for real, what the hell in the physics were they? Little wings on your feet would not let you fly, and if they did you'd fly feet up with the blood rushing into your head. SO SILLY. I loved it.

Everything else was so damn boring about him though. Like I saw this recently and already forget why he was doing what he was doing. He was basically like look humans suck without vibranium and they did a genocide so now I'll do a genocide which I'm like hmm what is it they say about two wrongs again?

There's a lot of characters and people that I totally forgot existed and honestly I was just sat trying to remember who people were which isn't a great starting point for a movie. This is the Marvel issue, too many dudes and dudettes that I just cannot fucking remember. You expect me to remember Ant-Man, Thor AND Moon Knight?! Eat a dick.

There's a lot of faffing about, there's a teenage genius lady that is the catalyst for this nonsense. God why don't I have more to say about this movie? Am I losing my touch, I feel like it was all so mid it's really hard for me to have any hot takes.

That's my hot take! It's all MID. Action scenes? MID. Story? MID. Acting? MID. Plot points? Largely predictable, cookie cutter and ultimately M-M-M-MID!!

So yeah, chuck it on in the background while you're cleaning the flat or having sex with ya boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/situationship/ex that you swore you wouldn't go back to/secret lover that you're hiding from one of the above/guy that you just met on Tinder that you SWORE you wouldn't sleep with on the first date but here you are AGAIN.

Hopefully the sex is better than this movie, but if one of you is a medium-ugly white boy like me, then the sex will be like this movie- MID!

Comments

ALL THE MOVIES I SAW AND FORGOT TO REVIEW

Me when I should be writing reviews^ Alright I got a bit lazy and stopped writing reviews but I kinda wanna pick this up as it was a bit of a laugh and I’m still of to the cinema big time and seeing stuff so I’m gonna do a speed run reviewing all the stuff I’ve seen (that I can remember). Oppenheimer (2023) IT WAS LIT! He blew up a big bomb but then felt really bad about it. But I’m raging because beforehand people said you would see his dick and we didn’t see Oppenheimers dick. We did see some boobs and bums but I was promised his dick. 9/10. Barbie (2023) I sang I’m just Ken in the shower for a week. It was funny, well performed and well written. There was one rant that didn’t really land at one point, and there was no need for Will Ferrells character to exist in this movie. 8/10. Haunted Mansion (2023) Utterly forgettable, why didn’t you release this in October? 2/10. A Haunting in Venice (2023) I poo’d my pants! It was much better than someone’s bloody died on the Nile. I had fun a...

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Lokimania

I called this review Lokimania which I now realise may be misleading, given the distinct lack of Loki, but you needed reminding to watch Loki, or at least refresh your little mind. This movie was the definition of MID in my opinion, more like bloody Ant Mid: QuantumMIDia. There was a couple of decent moments, one joke I enjoyed was at the end, but for the most part this movie is weirdly light on jokes. Oh I'm just gonna spoil this by the way, it's like a 6/10, it's just a movie. LITTLE ANT SPOILERS AHEAD Alright so Modok was weird right? With his little bum and massive head? I don't think I liked it! But I think that was the point? I dunno, that all was weird and his death was weird. Oh the one joke I liked was at the end when he was having this realisation like "wait is all this terrible stuff gonna happen... Nah it'll be fine". That was a good joke I liked it. I am being so lazy with this review but the movie was lazy too, it was just a movie, like it ...

69 (2023)

Ok so disclaimer I watched this on a plane lol. But I promise I was locked in! Gave it my full attention and didn't let my opinion be affected by the actual human shit that was my in-flight meal. Okay so bloody ages ago, an alien humanoid species (just humans tbh) do some travelling about and Adam Driver is one of them but then oh no they got asteroided out of space and crash land on earth but Christ on a bike it's during dinosaur times. It was really nice to watch a film about dinosaurs without Jurassic being in the title, I'm gonna start there. Adam Driver and a young girl (not his daughter) are the only survivors. His real daughter is dead, which is sad. It's also sad that Adam Driver is a bit stressed in this film for all of it, bloody dinosaurs all over the place, pricks. The young girl is annoying but real young girls are annoying so I guess that's a good acting job? She also doesn't speak English, so has a hard time communicating with ol' Adam. Adam...

Dan Sees Everything

Search This Blog