We finally did it everyone! We saw Thor's bum!!
Wait... Did we see it in Thor 1? When he was in that pool thing? I don't think we did. Oh well I don't care, and I don't care to do an ounce of research before writing this. This is the official release of Thor's bum to a theatre near you.
If you're a truly bizarre human that is enough into Marvel films to consider seeing this but not so into them that you need a review to decide if this is for you, then before we get into spoilers I'll tell you this is a good time, worth the price of admission and you'll have fun with it. It'll make you laugh a lot, I doubt you'll be shedding any tears and you won't come out this film a changed person, but you'll have fun and a good time, and sometimes that's all we want out the cinema.
Thor: Look At Thor's Bum is a rock solid 7/10. Rock solid like his buns of steel.
SPOILER TIMEEE SPOILERS AHEAD!
Alright so I feel the best way to discuss this film is actually to just go character by character. The film is well directed and reasonably well written, there's a couple sloppy CGI moments which can be forgiven, Taika style humour is expected and present given he's directing it.
Okay so let's start with Thor. He feels oddly a little shallow in this movie, his character is kinda like a vehicle for everyone else, he does get one really nice bit where he's saying Natalie Portman is what made him worthy in the first place that is actually really sweet, but they kinda just gloss over his collapse into depression and then recovery etc. I honestly think he'll be a terrible dad though, is that mean to say? Like he's looking after that little girl at the end and I'm like man I'm not sure Thor is the guy for this, but maybe that's the point, who ever really is ready to be a parent?
Natalie Portman is really at her best in this, she's given a lot to work with and I think she does a good job. Admittedly she fuckin dies at the end so not a good enough job to stick around long term, but no one's ever really dead so maybe she'll crop up again. I like that she can control the little bits of Moljnir, that's a fun way of not just making her "Thor but a lady this time". Although she is kinda just Thor but a lady this time.
Christian Bale is so great. I really love his villain here. It's the closest the film gets to not feeling a bit too "kiddy", if you get me? Like I know superheroes are for kids I get it, but sometimes Marvel feels just a little bit too glossy you feel me? Bale's villain feels organic and I get why he is the way he is. I'd be cross too if I met God and he was like "lol I don't actually care about all your human suffering and honestly you're all just like ants to me". I'd cut his head off too and become a pasty rude boy.
Speaking of rude boys, Russel Crowe is having great fun as Zeus. He's like: "bums and orgies everyone!"
He's so rude! Don't be so rude!
I did get slight feelings in my lil heart when Christian Bale was like "actually instead of killing all the gods I'll give my daughter a second chance", I think that's pretty cool and shows how grief can completely change a person but at his core the guy just loved his daughter. He never harmed the children he took, they were a means to an end.
I thought for sure the screaming goats would stop being funny. They didn't. I laughed every time those little fuckers screamed.
People will say it's controversial there are gay characters doing gay stuff. Grow up, who cares, I like that it's kinda just discussed without any fanfair. It's not weird or different that some characters are gay, it's just there. Kinda like real life ya know? Look I'm a straight white dude I'm not the guy to say oh this was perfect or shit representation but to me it just felt like it should, some people are gay, some people aren't, cool it shouldn't be a huge deal, kiss whoever you want, look at any bum you like, Zeus seems to want to look at anyone's bum, I like his style.
Oh and since I've danced around it so much, how genuinely funny is it that it's effectively canonical that Thor has a lovely dick? Like all the people are like "this is the BEST! He's in the nuddy! Look at his bum and balls and willy!". Just funny but then again I'm a 10 year old boy (in terms of emotional maturity).
This review feels a bit all over the place. I don't have tons to say really, it was funny, easy watching. The action wasn't great to be honest. The end fight with the kids was not brilliant. The Guns N Roses soundtrack was cool. The timing and use of November Rain sucked. Why not use You Could Be Mine instead? Maybe because Terminator 2 did? Okay fine then use the banging bit in Paradise City! Both would've been better choices in that moment.
Oh and finally the Guardians are here for 5 minutes then leave. Cool.
The post credits scenes were fine. Natalie Portman goes to heaven, which would've been stunning if she didn't. Russel Crowe talks to an actor I didn't recognise and says "hey Hercules go stab Thor in the Brain, Back, Butt and Balls!".
Oh I went with some friends and one pointed out a really good point (shout out Christy!), When Christian Bale gets Stormbreaker, why bother risking that when you could use Zeus' thunderbolt instead to go home? There's probably an answer so come at me nerds, but I thought that was a good question.
Anyway, those are my random Thor thoughts, it was funny! I didn't talk about Korg... He was funny! And rock-gay!
Let's hopefully see more bums in the MCU! #MoreBumsInMarvel
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