Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022)

 

So before I get into this, a few thoughts.

First off, like with all kids films, I waited a few weeks before coming to see this, so the crowd could die down and I wouldn't be so obviously an adult man going to see a kids film alone. On this occasion, that did not work, my cinema was RAMMED, on a Tuesday night! Weeks after the film's initial release! Madness.

Secondly, how insane must be the film marketing executives  be going trying to figure out Gen Z? They get absolutely trolled into a thousand pieces by Morbius, believing that tons of Gen Z would go see it on re-release as a meme, and then they do t go. But then just weeks later all of Gen Z are FLOODING cinemas, wearing suits and eating bananas to go and see minions.

How the hell are they meant to predict and market to this generation? The funniest thing is, the harder they try the worse they'll fail. It's so so fun to watch. I love the internet.

Alright, on to the film

Minions: The Rise of Gru has genuinely funny moments, the minions always can get a little chuckle out of me every now and then, especially when they jump between languages, when he's begging Gru and saying "por favor! por favor!", I can't help but laugh. The film starts out quite promising, the 70s aesthetic is a bit fun and different, the Bond style intro is funny and the names of the villains of the film are quite clever and funny.

Unfortunately though, this film commits the cardinal sin. It's boring. It devolves into a really generic, predictable plot with all creativity used in the first 5 minutes. There's a very rare passable joke, but my theatre was full and dead. The kids rarely laughed, the adults were stone faced, it was brutal.

Also, Gru looking a little bit like Hitler had me spending the whole film thinking about how the Minions almost certainly assisted Hitler in the murder of millions. Just imagine them at his rallies, leading the armies into war, running the concentration camps. That's dark.

Also the Minions will also be helping Putin invade Russia. This is the problem when your film has adorable things that help baddies. Real life baddies aren't cute like Gru. Real life baddies commit genocide.

Minions: The Rise of Gru is a 1/10, immediately forgettable, contender for worst film I've sat through this year. 

What a waste of time.

What a waste of Steve Carrel.

What a waste of the suits and memes.