So in preparation for Top Gun: Maverick, I though I better see Top Gun: The Old One. From the synthy music playing over the intro I knew this was the most 80s movie to ever 80s and I was pretty damn excited.
SPOILERS FOR THIS 40 YEAR OLD MOVIE!
It's truly wild how Tom Cruise still looks the way he does, a perfect combination of skincare, surgery, Scientology I assume.
The music is absolutely banging in this. Using Highway To The Danger Zone is just awesome and you cannot overstate how good the sound effects, music and original score is for Top Gun. It all feels unbelievably real as a result of the sound.
The opening scene with Cougar being thoroughly shook up is brilliant, it's great to contrast how cool under pressure Maverick is with someone who's cage has been completely rattled by what they do as fighter pilots. It makes the threat real because if everyone was cool as hell you wouldn't care about any of it.
There's a surprising sexual undertone going on, not sure if it's just 80s but the character Iceman is introduced by him saying "it makes me horny" when watching planes fly and having his mate next to him say "don't tempt me"... is he saying he is tempted by his dick? I mean, it's fine, good gay representation if so, but so so random and almost certainly not that.
Then they spend a lot of time being like I'm gonna pull girls, but it's super bizarre, like they all, and I mean all, burst into song. I did not see that coming for what was certainly your dad's favourite movie.
Look I'll just say it, there's a weird amount of dick talk. Everyone is always like "my Johnson!, That's what!" Whenever they're asked what something is. It's just a more horny movie than I thought it would be.
Keeping the horny theme is the volleyball scene which is random and slow motion and excessively homo-erotic. I can't get over the idea of men back then being like "I hate all these homos! Well time to go home and watch a movie about REAL men!" Then sticking this on.
The main message of the movie seems to be F the rules. Maverick is like "I absolutely bloody love bending the rules and no one can stop me!!" All the military people keep being like "you can't bend the rules that plane cost us 30 million dollhairs" which I enjoy because it shows they don't care if soldiers die it's all about money baby!
On that note though, $30 million, not that much really. Like yeah to me and you it is, but the US government spent $7.3 trillion last year, $30 mil is a drop in the ocean. So crash away Maverick.
He takes my advice and does a crash which kills a Goose. As well as a Goose that dies off screen we also witness the death of Goose, his co-pilot mate. I guess this is Maverick learning his lesson that bending rules isn't always class and it might kill your mate.
His fuse gets significantly shorter after this and he can't metaphorically get it up when it comes to engaging in combat. It's unclear if he can literally get it up with his now girlfriend- she's the product of a romance subplot that failed to interest me even a bit.
Iceman and Mavericks rivalry cools off (get it, Iceman, cools off?) And they are nicer to each other for a bit. Maverick feels less sad and we get a climax that is a really fun with a for real dogfight with some baddies
Another pilot named Hollywood decides to take my advice from earlier and cost the US government another $30 million dollars when he gets his plane blown up. When the plane explodes that makes him die.
I'm making fun of this movie but it's actually really good, the flying is good, the music is good, the acting is good. I get why it was a hit and why getting a ticket to see the sequel opening weekend is proving very difficult for me.
It's a weird one to rate, movies were so different then and by today's standards this is the corniest movie ever made. That being said, I had fun and it's at least a 7/10, maybe higher if the year was 1986.
Oh one last thing- what was the deal with fashion back then?! Everyone, and I'm sorry but in particular women, dressed completely insanely. 80s hair and fashion was mental and I just don't get it. I'll never see the appeal of a woman in shoulder pads.
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