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The Batman (2022)

 


Alright so I saw this a while ago now but honestly my first two reviews were mean and I loved this movie so let's be nice about something.

Most of this review has to be in spoiler talk so I'll just very quickly say if you have even a passing interest in Batman GO SEE THIS. Robert Battinson is great, Paul Dano is great, the rest of this all-star cast are great and are given so much to work with. Matt Reeves directs this film and what a job he does. Some of the shots in this film are just incredible, Gotham is a truly grimy, disgusting city and the choice of Glasgow to create this city is perfect (lol sorry Glasgow).

It's a rock solid 8/10, maybe a 9. Let's say 8.5/10.

SPOILER TIME IT'S BAT-SPOILERS

I love how Batman has no fucking clue what he's doing.

My best friend didn't love this movie like I did, and I kind of get it, like if you're used to Marvel, Christian Bales Batman, and generally more suave superhero characters it comes as a bit of a shock to see Robat Pattinson lumbering around just basically lucking and scrambling his way through. For most of this movie the Riddler has him in absolute knots, he can't get ahead of anything, you see genuine looks of confusion, anger, bewilderment, this guy is just like, man being Batman is hard.

It's worth highlighting this is only his second year of doing this, I anticipate he's gonna get better at all this but for a first movie I loved watching this weirdo learn the hard way that being Batman is incredibly hard.

And he is a weirdo, by the way. Bruce Wayne is me when I was 13. Long hair, awkward and just full of anger. You can basically hear Evanescence playing whenever he's on screen, there's a scene of him putting his little emo make-up on and I just love it all so much. It's completely outrageous that they did this and I love it so much.

Speaking of make-up, Colin Farrel is unrecognisable as the Penguin in this movie. Whoever is doing that make-up give them all a raise. Unreal. Well done.

I loved the stuff about Bruce Waynes family kinda sucking, like they aren't these infallible humans that were murdered, Falcone really exposes that everyone does bad things, no one is perfect. They kinda bail on going too far with this, but it's still there, the Wayne family legacy sucks and Bruce Wayne is just a full on emo psycho that beats people up dressed as a bat. He injects himself with... Something? Adrenaline? Bane venom? Cocaine? So he can punch a man into the dirt at the end.

This is not like any Batman we've seen before and I love it 

He full on leaps off a building with his prototype glider and crashes it so hard I nearly laughed out loud in the cinema. Bruce Wayne in this movie is me attempting anything in my life ever.

And I love how in the end he realises that whilst it's important to be the dark for the bad guys, Gotham also needs him to be the light for the victims. I don't know if we've ever seen Batman saving people in the day like that, but I loved seeing it in this. It's really great stuff.

The little bit of Joker we got gives me some hope but ... Can we just leave Joker alone for a bit? I'm exhausted with this character. Every time anyone does it we just compare it to Heath Ledger's Joker, and we will never see a Joker like that again. I would love for them to leave the Joker for a solid 10 years and explore the rest of Batman's rogue gallery.

Give us a tragic Mr Freeze film about his wife dying and how he tries to save her. Give us Penguin as the main villain. Hell I'll even take Poison Ivy solo villain film or Bane again if you think you can top Tom Hardy's Bane. Why not do Deadshot? (NOT WILL SMITH THIS TIME THOUGH). I have literally 10's of ideas!

Okay this is easily the longest review yet but I just wanted to talk about this film I loved so much.

Oh and the use of Nirvana's "Something In The Way", chefs kiss. Perfection. It's on my gym playlist now, when I need hyping up I put it on and stare across the gym pretending that I'm vengeance, and I am training to prepare for my physical confrontations as I protect the citizens of this greasy, disgusting city. I live in Scotland, not too far from Glasgow, maybe I can go be Batman for real with enough training.

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